Pushing The Limits

This boy is broken. He’s a man, but he’s 10 years younger than me, so I call him a boy. He’s mad at the world and most of the time, all I want to do is hold him and tell him it’s ok. The world is not that bad. It will get better. But maybe it’s that fragility and vulnerability he possesses that draws me to him.

He’s kinky, but not as hardcore as I thought he would be. When we are together, the sexual chemistry is undeniable. But I have to restrain myself. If I bite too hard or hurt him too much, not only does it not work to turn him on, but I could scare him off forever and lose what we have. Yet I keep pushing the boundaries each time I’m with him. I have to resist the hardcore urges to pinch, claw, smack, spank and grab. He’s delicious in so many ways…and so biteable.

I can’t help but wonder why I’m like this. I go between wanting to protect him and wanting to destroy him . What is it about him that brings out this sadist in me? And how much longer can I keep myself under control for? And what if I lose it and lose him?