I was listening to Life on the Swingset podcast a few nights ago. The topic of the show was Hard Kink. One of the terms that was thrown out during the show was Spanko. I highly identify with this term. Spanko often refers to someone who has a spanking kink or someone who’s a spanking purist.
Since I was a late teen I have known I was into spanking. When I was younger I used to enjoy being on both ends of spectrum. Now I spend more time focusing on other people’s bottoms. Even though I have been in the Kink/Fetish community for years, spanking is my go-to kink.
When I was younger, I put myself into the service of a professional dominatrix. She was an amazing teacher. Up to the point that I met her, I had only ever been interested in spanking. She showed me kinks and fetishes that I had never even heard of. This training allowed me to be a very well-rounded top. After my training, I went through a very vanilla spell. Returning to the lifestyle, I fell back into a Spanko roll.
Shortly after this, I began attending spanking parties. The community was amazing. I wanted to do more and more. I then started going to Kink and BDSM events again. I was given the opportunity to spank many amazing bottoms. But I also found myself keeping my spanking kink hidden. Even when I was working as a dungeon monitor, I was worried that someone would think my Kink was not kinky enough. I mean, come on, taking someone over your knee and slapping their bottom does not take nearly as much skill as shibari or fire domination.
Sure I branched out a little and took on the art of play piercing, but that does not give me nearly the satisfaction that spanking does. I can also separate sex away from spanking. I know some of you are reading right now calling bullshit, but honestly I can. I have used spanking for both sexual fun as well as domestic discipline. I have many friends who let me tan their backsides and we have not so much as kissed besides the spanking play.
I do admit with spanking being on TV and in books and movies, I’m not nearly as bashful about my kink. When I was younger, I was always worried that someone would find out about my kink, that someone in my vanilla life would think I was a freak or an abusive man. But now that it is in mainstream music and movies and books, you can’t turn around without there being a bottom smacked. I must say it does make life a little easier. Now my kink is even more embarrassing when I’m around or with my BDSM friends or events because it is so mainstream. Spanking is no longer kinky enough.
It has not been until the past few months (maybe the fact i’m almost 30) that now I just don’t care. Labels mean nothing to me any more. I’m to the point now that being a Dominant/Top/Poly/Spanko is just fine. I like what I like. I don’t try to compete with other tops or try to learn everything I can to impress bottoms or try to get them to play with me. I have found that being me and finding intelligent people is the best route. There are many closed-minded people in this “open-minded community of ours” and to them I say get over your labels and stereotypes and embrace everything that makes you happy.